5 Common Listening Mistakes That You Are Probably Making

Listening Ambassador, Lyn Lindbergh, the featured Guest Czar on the next episode of the Communications Czar Podcast, shined the spotlight on some of the common practices that undermine our ability to connect with one another.

Lindbergh’s role as a Listening Ambassador was an outgrowth of a need that she saw in society: “I was thinking to myself, so many of our issues, so many of our personal struggles this year, are coming out of a need to just be heard and be seen and coming out of quarantine. We just want connection and it comes out of listening. It’s a constant, lifelong practice,” she enthuses.

If you want to build better relationships with your clients, coworkers and family, listen to Lindbergh’s advice and avoid these common listening pitfalls:

1. Thinking you are being polite by putting your cell phone face down on the table in front of you.

Nice try but…that’s not going to fly. “People say, ‘Okay, I’m gonna take my cell phone and I’m gonna just set it down on the table, upside down even,” Lindbergh explains. But the only thing that does is tell the person who is talking that they are only as important as the next ding on your cell phone. “That’s a pretty awful message to give to someone if you really want them to feel heard.” According to Lindbergh, you’ll experience the real benefits of listening, only if you are truly distraction-free and if your cell phone is completely out of mind and out of sight.

2. Interjecting whenever a thought comes to mind.

Your conversational partner might say something that sparks a super relevant response. You want to share it right away. It will solve their problem fast and you don’t want to forget it. Unfortunately, interrupting is contrary to productive listening. As challenging as it may be, let your conversational partner finish their thought; until then, resist the temptation to share yours. “First, double-check if you need to clarify any points. Make sure you understand and they feel heard,” says Lindbergh. She advises saying, “Let me make sure I understand this…” or “What I hear you saying is…” “That way, it’s super-efficient because they feel heard, they feel like you understand them, so it builds trust,” she continues. Once you have built this trust, your partner will be much more open to listening to what you have to say. As a result, your conversation will be productive.

Okay, you’ve read this far into the article, which means now we’re friends. I’ll confess something to you: Interrupting is my weakness. I asked our Guest Czar Listening Ambassador for some extra help on this one.“If you tend to interrupt, tell yourself, ‘I am not going to say anything until they finish a thought,’” advises Lindbergh. That, she says, forces you to listen better because you’re not just focused only on what you are going to say next. Instead, you’re listening for them to finish a thought. The reason she suggests that we say, “finish a thought,” instead of “finish speaking altogether” is that some people just never stop talking. I think I may be guilty on both counts — but now we know how to work on that.

3. Always maintain sustained eye contact.

As much as I am a proponent of eye contact when you are speaking to people, Lindbergh reminds us that when it comes to listening, one approach is not appropriate for everyone. While we should remember to make eye contact, she says, we should also be cognizant of how our conversational partners are reacting. “Remember, context and comfort depend on culture, relationship and where they are in the moment,” cautions Lindbergh. Pay attention to how much your conversational partner reciprocates your eye contact. All the previously mentioned factors can affect their comfort level, and you want them to be at ease. If they aren’t meeting your gaze, they may not be comfortable, so take that cue and dial back your eye contact.

4. Keep nodding to show that you are listening.

While nodding can be a helpful cue indicating that you are really focused on what your conversational partner is saying, it doesn’t have to be constant or exaggerated. Leave that kind of nodding to your favorite bobblehead. Instead, Lindbergh says, you can nod subtly. “It really can be barely noticeable,” says Lindbergh. “If you are leaning forward and nodding a little while you’re talking, you’re giving the signal that you’re really highly engaged.”

5. Try to remember names in any way possible.

While Lindbergh wants you to remember and use people’s names to show that you think that they are interesting and important, she advises leveling up your name game. For example, you can memorize the org chart so that you can use names strategically. Lindbergh practices this herself and sees the impact, when she is brought in to work with a group and is meeting someone for the first time. “If I could remember the name of their superior, I’d ask about that, and boom: I am in with the group and they just immediately think I am right there and that I know more than I know. It’s powerful. Just think about times when we have had someone remember our names. It feels good. It’s a huge part of rapport,” she continues.

When it comes to listening, the bottom line, according to Lindbergh, is this: “The more you help the person who is talking feel like you actually care about what they are saying, the more they are going to share and the more honestly they are going to share. The more honestly and deeply they share, — that’s power for you. That’s powerful. I think sometimes people mistake listening for a thing of weakness and letting the other one talk over them. No, it’s understanding, it’s connecting in your communications.” Spoken like a true Communications Czar if ever there was one!

Roseann Galvan is obsessed with helping people improve the quality of their workplace communications. You can hear her complete interview with Listening Ambassador Lyn Lindbergh on the February 2, 2021 episode of the Communications Czar Podcast, available on Apple and Google Podcasts or Spotify or www.CommunicationcCzar.com